the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone shattered a urinal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
