You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There r osticjed everywhere
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
