OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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