Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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