Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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