You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
