Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
