Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
