that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
