I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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