I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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