dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
