hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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