I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize