I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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