It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
