i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
