I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize