I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
