You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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