I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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