I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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