I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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