youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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