$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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