i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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