I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize