her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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