I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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