I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
