Acid is not a monday night drug
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
