Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
