haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
