Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
