so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
