Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
