u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
