the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
