She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize