He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
