the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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