I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
