Screwed.edu
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize