Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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