Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
