i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
