Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize