You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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