I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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