you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
