3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Damn victory sex feels great
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
