I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
