end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
