There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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