We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
