when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
