I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mom said you looked used
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
