i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
