what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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