woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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