Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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