dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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