I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
