Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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