So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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