He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
