I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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