why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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