There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
