I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
