I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
