i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize