I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
