dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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