just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
