dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
