Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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